god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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