btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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