The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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