Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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