I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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