the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
