The maid of honor just puked.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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