There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
