It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
