I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
