I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
