my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
