first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
