At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
