it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
