Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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