i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
