you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
