Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
