when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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