Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
