Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
