Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
