Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
