I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
