I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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