addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
