just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
God I need to hump something, right now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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