I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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