Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
