a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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