Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
