Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
