My Higher Power is John Stamos
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
