shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
