Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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