He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
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