no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
