the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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