I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
