Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
