I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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