so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She announced her abortion via fbk
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
