"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
