How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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