Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
