You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
