She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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