Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
