tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
