Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
