You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
