I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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