First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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