U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
