Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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